Thursday, January 18, 2007

Some Background on The Bee

The Bee is my husband, He is 32. We were married for a good two years desperately trying to have our precious, and fighting most of the time for a myrid of reasons. Finally I got a OB who made it happen, and had lots of complications. She was born early in Oct of 04, she drained us emotionally and mentally. We had just started going back to a church a week before Christmas, and all was starting to look up. I had a job after a desperate search, and both girls were healthy and happy. Than the bomb dropped, and floor flew out from under us. It started like it normally does, headaches...on top of headaches. It was Sunday Morning, I had the girls dressed and The Bee said he was going to lay down because of this "terrible headache". A few minutes later he was literally crawling to the bathroom puking. TheBee had never been sick and even proclaimed he would never be in a grave situation. So this was totally out of the norm him. I packed him in the car and off the our favorite hospital we went. We had a intern, and if you anything about interns they love to run test. I mentioned that TheBee was having problems with speech and so he no shilantly suggested a CT Scan for what he thought was pallups in his sinus canvities. I had a infant in my arms cooing when the doctor walked in and closed the door. He said something, his lips were moving but it was like a train wreck hit me. There was all this noise in my head, and I shock it. I looked at Bee and he had the same look. I said, "what" and he repeated. I swear it was like out of a movie "Youuuuuuuuu Haveeeeeeee a TTuummmorr" I kept looking for the cameras. Bee rolled over and started crying, I didn't (which is all out weird for me). They left and I got on the phone in the hallway. I called, friends, etc. We had such a full ER room there was not a empty space anywhere. Of course, our insurance decided to go to hell and refused to pay. But since it was a emergency he got surgery two days before our daughter's first christmas. He woke up with seizures, double vision, and short term memory loss. The vision is now clear, but he has truly changed and it still is problems in our relationship. The struggles between how much to help him and how much to let him "be the man" is very hard for me. The fight with specialist who didn't even know what was going on because their nurse answered all their calls, to the final stages of remission have been so trying on all of us. It has left our youngest unable to eject herself from my side, and our oldest talking about death. It is truly hard to comprehend what will happen tommorrow. And each MRI is like that tomb ticking again....he seems to deal with the whole thing a lot better than me. He always has, he laughed and joked durning and after surgery. When his mom told me to tell him in ICU that it was benign, I never did because we swore the truth. She has always held a spot in her that has never gotten over that, but she understands why I think. It is very hard to have the support when it has never been there. You will here me talk about Papa, that's The Bee's dad, who upon having to yet again bring Bee to the hospital for bleeding in his brain demanded I come pick up the youngest because "she was crying to much". I swear that mean has such karma coming. It has been a roller coaster. And again we wait.....

The Mama

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